Those words can quickly escalate negative feelings, and often lead to fights. Whether it's in the workplace or at home.
Well today I am going to tell you a story that you can tell those people. It's a real life story about a friend of mine that had the opposite problem. He just assumed that everything was his job. Let's call him John (names have been changed).
John went through his school career, being very busy, doing things, things that was not his responsibility to do. You see, John was a bit of a push over. He was shorter than average, and was easily intimidated. He was asked to do people's homework, carry their bags, take blame for sins that was not his, even do tasks at other people's homes. He would fix things, from electrical work to plumbing to fixing cars and motorcycles. He would make things like birdhouses and jewellery that he gave to girls. He became a handyman with a wide range of skills. And as a result, John was constantly busy. He didn't have much time for himself, or for his friends.
John had 2 problems, one, he was easily intimidated, so forcing him to do something was very easy, you simply tell him to do it. And two, he wanted to win favour, so he would do things for people, especially girls, in order to win their favour.
You may say that John had a hard life. A life of struggles and always taking shots in various forms. So needless to say his school life was not the best. Because he was pushed around, forced to do other people's work and generally seen as a whimp, he didn't have many friends and he also never had a girlfriend.
Feeling sorry for John I spoke to him numerous times to get him to stand up for himself. I encouraged him to simply say "It's not my job". But John never took my advice. Instead he struggled ahead, telling me that it's not that bad, and that he can still keep head above water.
And in order to keep everyone happy, John had to come up with genius ideas in order to get through his todo list of other people's work in the limited time that he had. He started inventing his own system of time management. Geographically grouping tasks together on the same date, so that travel time is decreased. He would also group two tasks together and do them at the same time, like once he painted a girls room, and while he was waiting for the paint to dry, he would do some other bully's homework. Funny enough the bully's homework that he was doing was a grade ahead of John.
So in all these hard times, John was forced to learn, forced to cope, forced to be creative in solving this big issue that was his life. And starting at such a young age with problem solving, it became a cornerstone in his brain's development. When confronted with any problem, John would be able to see numerous solutions, how long they would take, what consequences they would have, and how they could be optimized. And he would do all this in a flash! His mind became a machine that can solve problems, manage, and optimize. And with a large set of skills to back it all up.
His situation didn't change much during school. And after school he was not afforded the opportunity to go to University or College. His parent's simply didn't have the funds to send him for higher education. It was shortly after the apartheid government in South Africa has ended and the new black empowered government was created. And suddenly white people were pushed out of Universities and also stopped receiving bursaries. So John's future seemed very bleak. He had the mind to go far, but reality was in the way.
So John continued his "everything is my job" attitude when he started working at a video store. But this time around things were different. His performance was not measured by a mark on his report card at the end of the year. His performance was measured on all the small little accomplishments that he accumulated over time. His boss quickly saw his potential and unfortunately abused him to some extent. He was made manager of the shop without a wage increase, and he started optimizing everything in the shop. From the book out and book in process, to optimizing opening and closing hours, to re-arranging the shop so it makes more sense, to assisting clients, to getting a list of reviews from clients when they returned a video so that it can go on the review index, to putting up big banners, to making the store look absolutely amazing.
The video store quickly became very popular, and people would drive past 4 other video stores just so they could come to that one. As a result other video stores in the area started implementing the same methodologies and practices because they were losing business. It was an age where illegal downloading of movies was becoming ever popular and video stores everywhere was starting to feel it. So competition was tight, and John's store had the upper hand.
I asked John why he wouldn't demand a pay increase or some or other form of compensation. His reply : "I'm happy, life is good". You see John was used to being abused 24/7, not having any of his own time, and always being broke. Now he was only abused in working hours, he had extra time after he went home, and he was getting paid for it. And oddly enough he was very happy with life even though his wage was next to nothing.
Enter a new female employee. The boss of the store decided that he would hire a beautiful girl to assist the customers so that people would be even more attracted to his video store. Because, you know, sex sells. His decision was based on the advice that John gave the boss. Because John had more time on his hands since he left school, he began reading, he was reading anything that interests him, from psychology books, to engineering books, to books about being a salesman. John's mind was always on overdrive in school, always busy, solving problems and doing other people's jobs. His mind became so accustomed to learning and working that he became frustrated if he didn't learn anything new or haven't used his mind to any extent during the day. So the idea of hiring a sales girl came to him for two reasons, one, it would help the store rent out more videos, and two, he would be able to spend time with this beautiful girl. And once again John was solving two problems at once. Genius!
But what John didn't know is that, that sales girl would change his life forever! That sales girl had a bit of insight into the human mind. She saw that John was very intuitive, and able to create solutions without much education or foreknowledge. She saw a lot of potential in him. And she also saw how he was being pushed around by his boss. And having come from a string of bad relationships with what she commonly referred to as ***holes, she was quite fed up with men in general. And considered all men to be evil. But since John was so different she was quite intrigued about how it would be like to have a relationship with John. She did not find John attractive at all. But she was wondering if she could make him attractive. She had a strong personality and a lot of willpower. And because they were sitting in a video store all day, they had a lot of time too.
So she started telling John the same things that I had told him years earlier while he was still in school, to stand up for himself, to demand some sort of reward for his work and ideas, to be less of a pushover in general. Only this time around he listened. Why? Because it came from a pretty girl of course. She also told him how to dress and groom, got him a haircut, brought him some clothes and showed him how to walk, talk and convey himself.
The results was nothing less than amazing. I haven't seen John in a while because I was off to College to study Computer Engineering. I was fortunate enough to have had parents that had enough money to pay the tuition. So I went to visit John again after a couple of months just to check in and see how life was treating him after school. And I was dumbfounded. He completely overhauled himself. He was standing tall, speaking with confidence and dressed and groomed very very well. I actually felt a little intimidated by him. His growth spurt also kicked in, so he was literally standing tall. It was a pity that it only kicked in after he completed school, because it might have helped with the "being pushed around" part of school that he excelled in so well.
Needless to say the girl did eventually fall in love with John, but later her parent's moved to Cape Town to escape the crime in that part of the country, and because of her financial situation she was forced to move with them. South Africa was completely crime ridden after apartheid was ended, and a lot of white people fled the country or moved to Cape Town where less extreme government parties were still operational and the police was less corrupt. So the move was not positive. And the relationship was torn apart. But the impression and life changes that she made on John stuck with him forever. He was now a confident, attractive and smart guy. He seemed invincible.
From there on John's life just got better and better. He had knowledge, he had creativity, he could manage under extreme circumstances, he was confident, he was attractive. Instead of just doing everything for everyone, he would use it as a bargaining chip to get some rewards afterwards, and he took it further so that the rewards usually lead to more work and more rewards. He started another job at a construction company after a manager at the company rented a video from him. He climbed the ranks quickly because of always being willing to do more, and doing jobs that aren't necessarily his. He was in disposable, he had so much value, skills and experience that they were forced to give him more responsibility and increase his wages as a result.
When I visited him again after about a year, he told me that he could see which of his peers would do well on the job and who wouldn't. He was starting to note certain personality traits of people that was fired, people that would stagnate, and people that would excel and grow. And one thing he used to mention with consistency about stagnating people and people that would soon be fired, is that they were the ones that often said : "It's not my job". And the people that he considered as his competitors, were the ones that always went the extra mile, the ones that said: "Sure I'll do that".
John eventually started his own construction business, he used the skills that he acquired while he was being pushed around at school, trying to figure out different ways of keeping everyone happy, to grow his business and kill his opposition, he even employed one of the bullies that he did homework for. He now has 2 beautiful homes, a lovely wife, 3 kids, and a business that is ever growing. John went from someone that was being kicked around at school, doing everyone's homework, doing jobs that aren't his, to someone that I admire and strive to be one day.
So if anyone ever tells you "It's not my job". Just send them a link to this page. It might just change their life forever. Maybe John's case is a little extreme. But it does put things into a little perspective.
Positive thoughts! Happy Life!
Steven
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